remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
