Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize