there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
