Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
