I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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