so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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