just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
