life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
