man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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