I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
