he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
