God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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