hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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