Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
