Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated

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(256): View more from Alabama

from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

(334): View more from Alabama

i do.

Fav 14 5869 1561
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(208): View more from Idaho

Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

Fav 20 6655 1355
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

Fav 15 2871 3156
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(734): View more from Michigan

I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.

Fav 2 1251 2533
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

Fav 5 3159 1039
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(801): View more from Utah

"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.

Fav 15 1102 2703
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(+27): View more from South Africa

i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy

Fav 0 13 23
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(513): View more from Ohio

Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.

Fav 0 135 7
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