You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
