I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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