Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i now understand why vodka
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
