i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
