I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
