I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
