we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
