if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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