Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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