Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
