Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
