Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
