I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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