I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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