im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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