Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
time to smoke my breakfast
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
