He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
