I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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