This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
