Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
