Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
