i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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