Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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