If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
