My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
