So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
