and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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