so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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