I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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