Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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