Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
