Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
