I think i sorta joined a cult last night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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