I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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