my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
