i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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