How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
