hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
