is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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