Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
