Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
