i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this just has baby written all over it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
