my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
