I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
