No awkward lesbian experiences without me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
