I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
