I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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