is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
