I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
