I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
